I Hold The Pen

Marriage:

The biggest question I always get is “When are you going to get married” and my answer is “When we choose to, chill out”.  Yes we’ve been together for 10 years BUT some people forget we started dating when we were 15 years old!!! But not only that, we’re happy the way we are and it’s working for us so why rush into something when we know we're both working on a few things. Some people rush into marriage because of peer pressure or because it’s the “right” thing to do after being together a certain amount of years but I disagree.  There’s a lot more to marriage than a wedding! Did you know that the average cost of a wedding in the US today is $23,000 AND 50% of those weddings end in divorce! That is one of the many reasons it's so important to invest in your marriage...not just your wedding!! Build a strong marriage. Sometimes I feel people are more interested in pushing the wedding than supporting the actual marriage. And yes, what girl doesn’t want to get married?!? I use to dream of big weddings since I was little girl but that quickly changed as I grew up. I don’t see myself spending all my money on other people…sorry if that sounds selfish but its true!  Sometimes people spend sooo much money on a “day” & then wish they had done it differently. Your wedding day should be about you two, not everyone else. I can’t deny David Tutera is one of my FAVE shows and his weddings are just to die for (if he could do mine of course I’d let him lol) BUT if you don’t have money like that I don’t see the point in overspending.  More importantly if you don’t have 200 people that have genuinely been there when it mattered most in your lives why are there 200 people at your wedding? Let me be clear and say I don’t have a problem at all spending money on those who’ve truly been there for me/him/us, but sometimes I hear people inviting guests just because they want a big wedding or just because they “know” that person and to me that’s so crazy!!  Your guests shouldn’t need to be impressed by one day, they should be there to celebrate in whatever way you choose to do so and they should be people that really care about you.  Your wedding guest should be impressed and supportive of your relationship…and in the past 10 years people have come and go, just because we know you don’t mean you’ll be at the wedding, so if that was the main reason you want us married I'm sorry to crush your bubble.  My wedding will be small but SPECIAL! I’d really love to have it outside the United States on a beautiful beach followed by a small reception with the people closest to us.  Most of the money we spend on a wedding I’d like to be spent on the rings and the honeymoon, because the rings are an important symbol/meaning we will wear each and every day of our lives and the honeymoon is just another great opportunity for quality time with each other, new adventures, and lasting memories that I'll cherish forever.  But more than anything in the world my wedding day would be the best if my most important guest is in attendance- my mom!

Family:

Almost same views as marriage…the kids will come when we choose to do so.  Just because everyone else is having kids or other people think we’re ready b/c we’ve had a 10 year relationship doesn’t mean anything to us.  You can never quite be as prepared for a kid as you would like but I believe you can be better prepared than you were yesterday.  There are a lot of changes going on in our personal lives and some adjustments we’d like to make so it wouldn’t be the smartest idea for us right now. I’m struggling with a lot more stress than normal and it would not be healthy for me to out more stress on my body physically and mentally by carrying a child when I’m not doing well myself.  Some people have even told me I’m getting old b/c I’m 26 now but I’m not worried about my age…if it happens it happens and if not we could always consider adopting.  Sometimes I wonder why people are so pushy about us having kids...do they genuinely want to see us build a family, do they just want to be nosey and see what our kids would look like...it’s just fascinating to me how much this subject is pushed on us. Looking back now, given what my mom is going through, I would’ve loved to already had children so they could meet their grandma…something that tears me up inside! I pray and pray that God will allow my mom to be here when I have kids. I even thought about rushing into it just to increase my chances of her still being here but I had to step back and realize it's not the smartest decision.  Sometimes we forget that we need to be happy with ourselves before we’re able to make others happy…which include your kids.  I’ll admit, I don’t think I’m in the best position to have kids right now.  Even though I think that being a mother would bring me so much more joy right now (because I see how much happiness my niece brings me) I know it won’t fix everything going on. But if it were all up to Dee we’d have a child by now lol….I’m just thankful he thinks about the bigger picture with me and not just for the moment. So yea, you can blame me lol.

Career:

I graduated with a Business Administration degree and a Human Resource concentration in 2010.  I already had a job lined up 3 days before graduation, graduated on a Friday and started work Monday!  Everything seemed to be on track for my HR career and it was really my only job interest but that has started changing now.  Sometimes you go through stuff in life that will unexpectedly alter your interests in the least expected areas…like your career.  I always knew that I would be happiest in a position where I’m able to help others in some way.  Working in HR the past 4 years seem to have been fulfilling for me since I’m helping others find employment, which is a big part of everyone’s lives.  But my desire to help others has slowly shifted by becoming greater and I want to have a bigger presence and bigger impact on others, a more hands on approach and a lot more interaction with whatever service I provide.  So I’m in the middle of finding that “job” to fulfill my new interests…it could potentially be another HR role where I’m able to have more of an impact than I do now.  But I also won’t rule out the chances that my next career move could be in a position I had never considered.  I know what makes me happy, but I just don’t know what the exact job is that I’m in search of!  Perhaps working for a non-profit, event coordinator, travel/tourism, or something with a positive impact on women, children, or the cancer community…like I said I just don’t know exactly what job I’m searching for.  But in the mean time I plan on volunteering with various programs and companies in hopes that it will lead me in the right direction, if nothing else I’m still getting that chance to help others while volunteering. I know it sounds like I don’t even have a clue of what I want to do but in my heart I do know and eventually I will find it. This desire is in my heart for a reason!

At the end of the day it's much more important to live your life for yourself, not for others!! Live life according to your strategies, it's easier and will make you happier! Don't compare yourself, your struggles or your blessings to others and never try to live a life to impress others. You're not really free until you're free from trying to please everybody except HIM!! I read this scripture last night that really stuck with me so I wanted to share it with you as well: