2013: I’m Not In Control

January 2013 I opened this fortune cookie and even kept it for some reason but ironically it was so true on what was going to unfold in this year. A lot happened and changed this past year for me, almost at an unbearable rate but I guess it was for the good in my personal growth.  Anyone that really knows me knows I’m kind of a control freak! I like to plan everything, which includes my life, but silly me… I can’t plan my life because HE does.  I didn’t grow up in a family where church was a big thing but it’s never too late to start on that path and I’m glad I’m trying to know HIM better because at the end of the day HE controls it all and HE is the only one able to get me through life.

At the beginning of 2013 I thought I had everything figured out.  I had busted my ass in 2012 to start the year with a nice amount of money in my savings account because I didn’t even have a savings account before, I was also in the midst of advancing my career in Human Resources both professionally and financially, and I was even  looking for my first house and/or new car.  But in February we found out my mom was diagnosed with a rare form of a very aggressive type of ovarian cancer…WOW...that’s still all I can say.  According to one of her doctors only about a dozen women are diagnosed with this cancer per year. That was the toughest part of the news to swallow because that meant there weren’t as many options to treat this cancer as there are for others but that’s the card we were dealt and we have to trust HIM. 

My mom means the world to me so I had no choice but to alter all “my plans”.  At the time I was being recruited into top companies by the managers themselves and even though I thought I was going to start a new life in Greensboro none of that mattered because my mom ALWAYS came first!  I never had to make so many important decisions so quickly about my life & it was the hardest thing ever to deal with and sometimes still is!! My world was turned upside down and I still remain in disbelief, hurt, and scared for my mom’s life.  But everything that occurred in 2013 opened my eyes and my mind to see things differently and for that I’m very grateful.  I guess sometimes HE needs to shake your world and he does it for a reason even though we may not know what that reason is right at that moment.  Most people think the biggest thing affecting me right now is my mom, and yes it is the top struggle but it's definitely not the only struggle I'm trying to overcome.  This past year so  many other areas of my life were altered too but I can’t be selfish and complain about what I’ve gone through…I’m sure other people go through worse times but we tend to think our issues are the worse sometimes.   

Believe it or not I still haven’t learned to adjust to my “new unplanned” life but I’m working at it each day and I look forward to each hour, each day, each month, and each year to move in the direction HE has planned.  My biggest take away from 2013 --I’M NOT IN CONTROL--   

...to be continued.

~StateOfBeauty
~Learn to see the beauty in imperfection~